Hey pretty,
This is a little longer then my normal posts but please stick with me and read to the end, I promise it will be worth it.
This year I didn't make any new years resolutions, I just can't make that kind of commitment and if I didn't stick to it I'd only be really disappointed. So instead I had a little peep talk with myself and said
"This year I'm going to take a year to concentrate on me, make sure I'm happy in all aspects of my life. To spend 12 months doing whatever I wanted and making sure I'm making the most out of my life, also to stop worrying about love or worrying about being the only one in my friendship group who isn't in a relationship."
I realised this year, I'm only 20 and not being in a relationship isn't the end of the world, it doesn't mean I'll spend the rest of my life alone. However I was in a place where I was so unhappy with so many things in my life and I couldn't expect someone to love me when I wasn't happy with who I was. I've mentioned this in previous blog posts so I don't want to repeat myself again but I feel that it's such an important message for everyone out there, you don't need a man or a women to make you happy and it wont fix your problems; trust me I've tried.
I feel like I've had so many life changing experiences in my life already and like most I've had my fair share of hard times but this year I changed the way I thought about them and how they affect my life. I know I'm a stubborn, hard faced, guarded cow, but I had a change of heart this year, why look back at them negatively? I cant change them and they've all shaped me into the women I am. When you've had your heart broken, when you've been pushed to your limits, broken as a person, hurt by almost everyone that's walked into your life. You built a thick skin, you build walls and you become a stronger person.
'High maintenance' is a phrase I've been called by so many different people in my life and it's now a label that's been stuck to me, recently it got me thinking, when you look up the word 'high maintenance' on the urban dictionary it states that it's definition is a women who:
'Has higher than normal expectations; has a greater requirement for affection or attention; has more needs and/or demands and therefore more difficult or challenging.
Doesn't equate to money or material possessions alone but may be needy in emotional attention and affection; picky, bratty, likes things her way, takes pride in her appearance, finicky. Usually very well put together and usually independent therefore requiring a lot out of a man to keep up with her.
Doesn't equate to money or material possessions alone but may be needy in emotional attention and affection; picky, bratty, likes things her way, takes pride in her appearance, finicky. Usually very well put together and usually independent therefore requiring a lot out of a man to keep up with her.
"If you have to reassure her through texts email or calls that you're lucky to have her, she's so pretty, etc...- she's a high maintenance woman"'
Why is being high maintenance associated as such a negative connotation? We question why so many young girls and women are afraid to be themselves, why they settle for these men or boys that don't appreciate them for all that they are and all that they offer, why do so many girls and women remain in emotionally and/or mentally abusive relationships.
What do we expect when were telling them that respecting yourself, thinking highly of yourself, wanting attention from a man is meaning they are being labelled as 'needy', having certain expectations, knowing exactly what you want and not settling for anything less, needing emotional reassurance, likes things a certain way, takes pride in her appearance, a women who's independent. If this makes a women high maintenance, we shouldn't be making her feel ashamed or belittling her, we should be embracing her and celebrating her.
I've lost count the amount of times I've been called 'high maintenance', the amount of times I've been made to feel ashamed or embarrassed, the amount of times I've been made to feel so small; all because I know what I want in life, that I have big dreams and I'm not afraid to work hard to achieve them, that I take pride in my appearance, that I want a man to appreciate me and give me affection, that I like things a certain way, that I'm independent and that I don't need a man to shower me with gifts or to help me pay my way because I'm capable of doing that myself, that I have respect myself. If your a man and you think I'm high maintenance and that you couldn't be with me because you couldn't handle all my 'needs' and my 'attitude', that you think I'm challenging, well I'm sorry but clearly your not the man for me; I feel sorry for you that a strong women threatens you.
If these are the reasons why I'm not in a relationship, then I'm so grateful. If me being a strong, independent young women who respects herself and wont settle for anything less then my self worth, means that a man can't handle that then I'm more the happy with being single. I've got to a point in my life where I know that I don't need a man to make happy, that I don't need a man to tell me that my dreams are unrealistic, that I think to highly of myself, that I'm needy just because after all the heart ache I've been through occasionally I need reassuring that you love me, that I make to much effort with my appearance.
To the next man I meet, please don't be put off by the fact that I'm too 'high maintenance' because I know, I'm the first to hold my hands up and admit it, but please don't try to make me feel embarrassed or ashamed about it because I don't see it as a bad thing or a threat and if your with me you shouldn't either. Know that I'll never ask you for anything because I can provide for myself, that yes I dream big and have bucket loads of ambition, that I have self respect and don't be threatened by my masses amount of self worth, that I'm a challenge, that I have a bit of an attitude, that sometimes I will need you to reassure me that you actually want to be with me and that you love me and please don't try and make me feel bad about my appearance or how much I spent getting my hair done even if you think it looks no different.
A strong 'high maintenance' man doesn't scare me and wouldn't be a reason not date him, so why should a strong 'high maintenance' women scare or put off a man? Be proud of who you are and don't let anyone make you feel bad because they think your 'high maintenance'. Learn to love and accept yourself before you let anyone else, and please don't date someone because its convenient or you think it'll fix everything. there's nothing wrong with being on your own, embrace it and spend that time to work on yourself and grow as a person.
All my love
Carrie
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