Hey Beautiful People,
This week as it's Mothers day, I've decided to dedicate this post to my mum. I want to share with you the journey that we've had together, some of the things we've done together but mostly to tell her the things I find so hard to share with her - so this ones for you mum.
Dear Mum,
There have been so many things we've been through and so many things I've wanted to say to you, I've just never known how. I'm hoping by writing this your see just how thankful I am for everything you do, have done and continue to do for me.
For so long growing up you hid who you really was, you hid your sexuality for so long that I can only imagine how that felt and how hard that was for you. You lived a life that was a lie for so long, that it wasn't till I was little that somehow you found the courage and strength to finally be who you've always wanted to be and who you always knew you was. We've never truly spoken about this but I want you to know that because of this I've never been more proud of you and I've never loved you more then I did then, looking back at this time in yours and our lives, I don't really remember this part in our lives very clearly but on the things that I do remember, I want you to know that I don't ever blame your for the divorce, I feel that at times I became the 'devil child' a lot but I think it was because I didn't really understand what was going on and how to cope with it at the time. Now that I've grown up and I've learned so much about life, I understand it and my actions at the time a lot more and I now want to apologise for them.
You always encouraged me to be who I was and to never be afraid of who I really am and I think that's because you did for so long, and for this lesson I thank you so much - for so long and at different stages in my life I was afraid to be who I am and I hid so much from you and so many people, but I look back at you and everything you've been through and know that if you can get through it and find strength to do so, then I can too.
I also want to say, whatever it was that gave you the courage and the strength to finally be who you really was I want to thank them/it, because it gave you another chance at life; for you to finally find happiness, I always look back at the times we've shared and the things we've done or been through and see how happy you've been. I wonder how different things might have been if you never took that step to true self happiness and worry that if you hadn't you would never be happy because all I want for you is to be happy, to be loved and to enjoy life - things that I know you have done, since coming out.
I want to thank you for the everything that you do and have done for me over the past 18 years, we've never be extremely close but you always know/knew what to do to cheer me up when I'm feeling sad or I've had a bad day or when I'm not well and I guess that's what happens when you become a mum but I've never told you how much I truly appreciate it. Your stupid dancing, your rubbish jokes, you cooking my favourite food and your mummy hugs that I crave so much right now - I never told you how much I love them and these things and how much I appreciate them, but I hope that you now know just how much I do; when I tell you to stop doing stupid dances or telling awful not funny jokes, I don't always mean it, I sometimes even secretly love them all.
I also want to thank you for everything else that you've done for me, you never let me go without, anything that I've wanted you've always tried so hard to get for me and I am truly grateful for. You worked so hard growing up, staying at work late, working weekends, working night shifts; sometimes I do feel that maybe this is something that affected our relationship and maybe it does have a part to play in why we've never been really close but I don't hate it because it meant that you could always provide for me and gave us a home. I also don't hate it because it was a job that you love so much and one I know broke your heart when you had to leave, because I could see it in your eyes how much it hurt you. It's a job that has made me so proud of you, your my mum but I shared you with so many amazing children that never had a mum and for that I don't mind sharing you at all- because at the end of the day you always came home to me.
Something I've wanted to thank you for, for so long now is for what you did for me nearly two years ago. I was going through such a hard time and I've never really spoken to you or anyone about but, as I'm getting older now, I'm seeing how important it is to speak out and openly about it. But I want to say the biggest thank you to you for the love you gave me throughout this time, it was exceptionally hard for the both of us I know and one day I will open up to you and to everyone else readings this eventually about but to you mum, I will forever thank you for the help and the strength you gave me in the darkest time in my life, I'll never be able to repay you but I want you to know that, I understand how hard that summer was for the both us and how hard it was for you as a mother to watch me go through that, that at that time I hated everything and everyone so much; I'm so sorry I put you through that but I love you so much more for giving me hope and strength when I thought I'd lost everything.
When I fell in love for the first time, I lost myself in some else, I lost everything about myself. I lost who I was as a person, everything I wanted to be and everything I stood for. I had no one else to turn to because it was a love that no one my age understood and somehow I found what I was looking for, I found the answer I so desperately needed at the time in you. You was the only person who truly witnessed my first love and for so long you let me live it, maybe because you knew that it was something I had to go through, in order to learn an important lesson. You saw the rawness and the realness of such a difficult love in such young people for so long, you saw the pain that I was in, you never said a word about it for such a long time that when you did, it changed everything for me, I finally saw what you did. You kept quiet for so long and only spoke up when you knew that I couldn't put up with it any more and that's what I want to thank you for, for giving me the chance to make my own mistakes because eventually I'd learn from them, you aloud me to grow as a person and picked me up when I truly knew and needed you; so thank you so much for that.
I want to thank you for all the things you've taught me over the years, silently you've taught me so much that I know now thanks to you and you don't even realise just how much you've done for me. Your a mum, I know we all think that because of that, these lessons and the love is something you have to do but I think we know so much more about families and life that we know that really don't have to, you do it because you want to- for that I want to thank you, you didn't have to love me and you didn't have to stand by me through all the mistakes I've made but you have and I'm forever grateful for that.
I know I haven't always been easy on you and I'm so sorry for that, I want you to know that, that is one of my biggest mistakes I've made. I know that I haven't always been the nicest either and I'm so so so sorry for that but I think all the mistakes I have made, have been a huge lesson for me.
You inspire me in so many different ways, you inspire my heart and if I can ever love the way you do, I'll forever be happy. You inspire me to live my life to the fullest, you've shown me and taught me so much about the world and the people we share it with that I want to see it and experience it for myself someday. You inspire me to be happy everyday, to wake up and be grateful that I'm here because so many aren't, to appreciate life and love it. You inspire me to want a family as, difficult, experience in every aspect of life, to love each other as much as we do; you inspire me to be a mother one day and to be one as amazing, beautiful and cleaver as you.
Lastly I want to say thank you, I'm sorry, I love you and I miss you.
I love you forever and always,
Your Carrie
xxxxxxx
xxxxx
xxx
xx
x
Happy Mothers Day to all the beautiful amazing mums out their, tell your mum how much you love them, thank them for everything they've done for you and will continue to do for you.
All my love
Carries Closet xo
I also want to say, whatever it was that gave you the courage and the strength to finally be who you really was I want to thank them/it, because it gave you another chance at life; for you to finally find happiness, I always look back at the times we've shared and the things we've done or been through and see how happy you've been. I wonder how different things might have been if you never took that step to true self happiness and worry that if you hadn't you would never be happy because all I want for you is to be happy, to be loved and to enjoy life - things that I know you have done, since coming out.
I want to thank you for the everything that you do and have done for me over the past 18 years, we've never be extremely close but you always know/knew what to do to cheer me up when I'm feeling sad or I've had a bad day or when I'm not well and I guess that's what happens when you become a mum but I've never told you how much I truly appreciate it. Your stupid dancing, your rubbish jokes, you cooking my favourite food and your mummy hugs that I crave so much right now - I never told you how much I love them and these things and how much I appreciate them, but I hope that you now know just how much I do; when I tell you to stop doing stupid dances or telling awful not funny jokes, I don't always mean it, I sometimes even secretly love them all.
I also want to thank you for everything else that you've done for me, you never let me go without, anything that I've wanted you've always tried so hard to get for me and I am truly grateful for. You worked so hard growing up, staying at work late, working weekends, working night shifts; sometimes I do feel that maybe this is something that affected our relationship and maybe it does have a part to play in why we've never been really close but I don't hate it because it meant that you could always provide for me and gave us a home. I also don't hate it because it was a job that you love so much and one I know broke your heart when you had to leave, because I could see it in your eyes how much it hurt you. It's a job that has made me so proud of you, your my mum but I shared you with so many amazing children that never had a mum and for that I don't mind sharing you at all- because at the end of the day you always came home to me.
Something I've wanted to thank you for, for so long now is for what you did for me nearly two years ago. I was going through such a hard time and I've never really spoken to you or anyone about but, as I'm getting older now, I'm seeing how important it is to speak out and openly about it. But I want to say the biggest thank you to you for the love you gave me throughout this time, it was exceptionally hard for the both of us I know and one day I will open up to you and to everyone else readings this eventually about but to you mum, I will forever thank you for the help and the strength you gave me in the darkest time in my life, I'll never be able to repay you but I want you to know that, I understand how hard that summer was for the both us and how hard it was for you as a mother to watch me go through that, that at that time I hated everything and everyone so much; I'm so sorry I put you through that but I love you so much more for giving me hope and strength when I thought I'd lost everything.
When I fell in love for the first time, I lost myself in some else, I lost everything about myself. I lost who I was as a person, everything I wanted to be and everything I stood for. I had no one else to turn to because it was a love that no one my age understood and somehow I found what I was looking for, I found the answer I so desperately needed at the time in you. You was the only person who truly witnessed my first love and for so long you let me live it, maybe because you knew that it was something I had to go through, in order to learn an important lesson. You saw the rawness and the realness of such a difficult love in such young people for so long, you saw the pain that I was in, you never said a word about it for such a long time that when you did, it changed everything for me, I finally saw what you did. You kept quiet for so long and only spoke up when you knew that I couldn't put up with it any more and that's what I want to thank you for, for giving me the chance to make my own mistakes because eventually I'd learn from them, you aloud me to grow as a person and picked me up when I truly knew and needed you; so thank you so much for that.
I want to thank you for all the things you've taught me over the years, silently you've taught me so much that I know now thanks to you and you don't even realise just how much you've done for me. Your a mum, I know we all think that because of that, these lessons and the love is something you have to do but I think we know so much more about families and life that we know that really don't have to, you do it because you want to- for that I want to thank you, you didn't have to love me and you didn't have to stand by me through all the mistakes I've made but you have and I'm forever grateful for that.
I know I haven't always been easy on you and I'm so sorry for that, I want you to know that, that is one of my biggest mistakes I've made. I know that I haven't always been the nicest either and I'm so so so sorry for that but I think all the mistakes I have made, have been a huge lesson for me.
You inspire me in so many different ways, you inspire my heart and if I can ever love the way you do, I'll forever be happy. You inspire me to live my life to the fullest, you've shown me and taught me so much about the world and the people we share it with that I want to see it and experience it for myself someday. You inspire me to be happy everyday, to wake up and be grateful that I'm here because so many aren't, to appreciate life and love it. You inspire me to want a family as, difficult, experience in every aspect of life, to love each other as much as we do; you inspire me to be a mother one day and to be one as amazing, beautiful and cleaver as you.
Lastly I want to say thank you, I'm sorry, I love you and I miss you.
I love you forever and always,
Your Carrie
xxxxxxx
xxxxx
xxx
xx
x
Happy Mothers Day to all the beautiful amazing mums out their, tell your mum how much you love them, thank them for everything they've done for you and will continue to do for you.
All my love
Carries Closet xo
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